i and one girl are totally in love with each other ... shes a girl of brahmin caste and a south indian... i m a north indian and of vaisya caste ... recently the girl told her mom everything ... her mom called me and told not to speak to the girl anymore and threatened me even ... but we have been secretly speaking ... through the help of our mutual friends ... yesterday the girl called me and said that its over ... she cannot go against her mother ... she told that she is breaking it off ... because she cannot go against her mothers wish ... i somehow asked what happened through a mutual friend ... and its like her mother is saying that ... she has no objections ... but she would never accept our marriage and she would never see me or enter my house ... she can visit her mother , but she would never come ... my girl is very very simple ... she gave into her moms wishes and called me up and said that it cannot work out ... she cannot go against her mother ... her mother mentioned that she does not like me ... she has never actually met me ... but ... she probably does not like me because ... i courted her daughter ... treating her out to lunch , and i have her photographs ... her mom was like ';this shows your character ... learn to respect a woman first '; ... probably this is where it went wrong ... the fact that i took her to lunch and have her photo got a bad impression of me ... i guess her mother totally does not approve of this ... i had no idea that having some photos and taking the person you love so much out for a good lunch is such a bad thing ... one more reason she stated was the cultural and caste differences ... i know that it will never be an issue .. my girl also knows that ... because we both are willing to adjust... i m madly in love with this girl ... she too loves me very very much ... but she does not want to go against her mom ... her mother does not even want to speak with me ... i have tried many times ... i dont know what to do now ..., i really do want to marry this girl ... i want to make her my wife .. but i m not able to even directly contact her ... what do i do ... what do i say to convince her mother ... there has to be a way of convincing her mom right ? ... how do i approach her mother ?.... please help me out ... how do i convince her mother that i m not a bad guy ... i genuinely care about her daughter and we both are truly in love and its not infatuation ...I don't know what to do ? i feel so helpless ... i can focus on anything .. how do i approach her mother?
What you do, for the time being, is respect the girl's and her mother's wishes. Be a man, who is respectful to direct requests.
You know the difference in castes is embedded in the culture (right or wrong).
The girl should not be asked to disrespect her mother, or her mother's family. How much could you love her to ask her to leave her family?
If you truly love her you will let her go. If she were to leave her family, against their express demands or wishes, she would grieve forever. You would be to blame for the endless sadness and her heartache. Your children would be banned from a full 1/2 (if not all) of their heritage.
Love her enough to let her go. If something is meant to be (either way) IT WILL BE.
Focus on taking the high road. Concentrate on the fact that you are giving her a gift, and not taking her family away from her.I don't know what to do ? i feel so helpless ... i can focus on anything .. how do i approach her mother?
If you truly love this girl, please dont force the issue between her parents and yourself, you are placing her in a most difficult situation. I dont know much about your cultures in your country, especially about who can marry who and who can see who, and I think its riduculous that certain cultures interfere in peoples lives but they do, and if you love this girl, you will respect this, I wonder what your parents feel about this situation, have you told them and what are their feeling about you getting involved with her, maybe you could discuss it with them. I also feel if she loves you enough she should be impressing her feeling for you onto her parents, you must give it time for them to adjust to this situation, maybe if you could find out if they go anywhere as a family, and then you could be there, to introduce yourself, but with respect of course, and take it from there, try this a couple of times and maybe they will see the type of person you are and have a change of heart. Tread gentle here, you are dealing with her parents so you must be very careful, but take it slow, and wait till the time is right. Good Luck
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