For the past 8 months, I have taken on an interest with someone that I am physically attracted with. I know this is wrong and it's very selfish of me... I have considered many times to be honest with myself and my wife but the consequences of a divorce has too much of an impact on both our lives and our families' well being that I am not ready (or willing) to take that route.
While I know that the other person is not a good fit for me either, I can't help but keep finding myself going to see her. What began as physical attraction has become something more substantial. I care about this other girl and her well being too... and sometimes, I do feel in love with her because of our physical attraction and our likeness of having each other.
No one on this earth is perfect... but it's hard for me to accept and settle for what my life has become. I'm leading a double life and I feel very much that they are going on a crash course with one another. I am not sure what I should do. I know everyone says therapy... but how can anyone change how one truly feels in their hearts? Must we be ';re-trained to love and more importantly... to feel in love'; with someone?
I do feel very guilty because marriage is suppose to be a commitment and a promise. Maybe I simply bought into the idea of its happiness, and was premature in really knowing what I was getting into. I'm very lost and sometimes wish that i'm single again... even if it means I'm going to die alone. I appreciate your views and advice!I'm married but I've started to ';adore'; someone else... how could this be? what should I do?
Let's look at this logically can we?
1. Your married now 3 yrs and I am sure you have had time to get to know her and become friends. Your now doing a knee jerk reaction and it's not very smart at all. Why did you marry your wife? You need to go back to thinking why and re-group and remember those good times with her and make them happen again.
2. Where are you having contact with this new woman? Is it at the job? If so that's death for you personally AND professionally. Get away from where she is and distance yourself from her. If you can't you either leave that job or you and the wife move and don't stay in touch with this woman in any form or fashion.
Now that you feel this way you better make darn certain the wife doesn't get pregnant because if she does your doomed. Now your tied forever with that child with her.
Better start now getting a clear head and using that head on your shoulders and not between your legs! If you want to cheat...you get a divorce FIRST. Don't put the cart before the horse in this if you want to stay in good with friends and family too. Divorce is much better than cheating.
Good luck.I'm married but I've started to ';adore'; someone else... how could this be? what should I do?
Stop being so spineless, get your guts together and make up your mind to divorce. Yes, it is going to be hard but that's the only right way out of this mess you are in right now.
Stay away from the other person.
Go to marriage counseling and give your marriage a chance to work.
Peace.
When you fell in love with your wife all these feelings you feel for this other person were there.....yes we can retrain ourselves to fall in love. Love is not just a feeling, it is a concious effort we make and a commitment to someone else but more importantly to ourselves, to do WHATEVER it takes to make it work. This is not just good for our partner but also helps us to develop and learn as people. When we have children and we are teaching them to walk, if they fall down we don't say hey, never mind lets go in a different direction and try something else. We tell them to hang in there and try again we know they will get the hang of it eventually. Does this principle not also apply to us???? We as human beings are so ready to give up and move on, but that my friend is not what life is all about. We all make mistakes like you said, myself included, but it is what we do with those mistakes and about them that developes us as people, and makes this journey called life all the worth while. Good Luck!
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