Was I wrong to not go with him to visit his family? He's upset?

He's leaving to go visit his family (lives about 4.5hours away) and asked me i I wanted to go, I said, maybe antoher time like on a holiday weekend. He kept pressuring me, but i still said no. He was upset told me that he doesn't think I'm ready for marraige, because i didn't even want to go with him to see his fmaily whom he has not seen in a few months. I told him I didn't think it was a big deal that I thought this time he can go alone, and the next time we can go together. He mentioned that he doesn't know when he'll be able to go again, so I just said to him I'll go. Now he doesn't want me to go becuase he doesn't think I really want to. He thinks I'm saying yes now because I can see how disappointed I am. I love this man very much, and it saddens me when he think I'm not ready to marry him. He talks about all the sacrifices he's made for me, and I coulnd't do this one little thing. I'm confused and I still think he's hurt, how can I make this up to him? Was I wrong?Was I wrong to not go with him to visit his family? He's upset?
Hello,





I think the best thing you can do is to talk it out with him and reassure him that you really do want to go and see his family.. I think maybe he just needs a clear answer from you that your not going because he is disappointed.





I wouldn't worry about the what he said to you about marriage, he probably just said that cos he was sad. I don't think you have done anything wrong, but just show a little encouragement to him that you want to go with him this time.





I hope this helpsWas I wrong to not go with him to visit his family? He's upset?
I guess so... I mean, apparently you had no reason to not go... if you really love him and really wanna marry him I think you should be there for him everytime he needs. If he asked it like every month, that's ok, you could say no sometimes... but its very difficult for him to visit his family... and its not only about what he's thinking but its also about what his family will think about u... he has reasons to feel upset... if u had an accepted reason, like an appointment or whatever, to not go thats ok... but you are acting like ';I have better things to do like nothing'; or ';I dont like your family so im not going';
He may be getting pressure from family members, and he is feeling torn between the two of you. My son lives 2,000 miles away from me and I feel like an outsider. I try my best not to make him feel bad about the distance, but before he got married it was very important to know his future wife. She had never been away from her family and it was difficult for her to come visit us. Every family is different no two are alike and what may seem trivial to some is really big to others.





Your not wanting to go may have triggered some insecurities or this is how his family responds to situations. He is using the guilt trip to make you do what he wants, then when you say lets go he flips and feels bad because he used manipulation. His mother probably does the same thing to him and it has been a long line of family manipulation.





There is no wrong or right in this situation, you are just experiencing the differences the two families have. Remember someone on the other end is manipulating him, in laws are funny people sometimes. Your in love with him, you have a whole new family to learn about and they might feel your controlling their son.





I learned several years ago, that my daughter in law controls everything about my son. I love her dearly, but it made me bite my tongue. I will just have to learn to live with the few moments they give me. I don't manipulate my son, because my mother did it to me.
Based on what you've written, it does sound like you are wrong and now he simply needs some reassurance that you really want to go. Just tell him you realize how important it is to him and if it's important to him then it's important to you.